Thoughts thoughts thoughts...

In the last MONTH, nothing has been the same. Everything of my person has changed, for the better? I'm not sure. I have lost a lot but have gained none, just striped bare to my essential.

My so called "best friend" has left me for her other so called "best friends". I have literally deleted her out of my life, anything she have given me is in a box/ on its was to the box, under a rock in another planet. I have tried my everything to keep our dying friendship alive, but it takes two to make it. She just gave up. So i just picked up my eraser and destroyed any path left between her and I. The thing is, she is just stuck in the past, she wants to re leave those moments that have passed by and is so childish. I don't want to deal with that so good-bye Niki.

Ever since then i've tried to think of other friends that i have other than her. You know what came up, nothing. I went through my phone list my friends list on my myspace and face book account and nothing came to me. I could not call one of those friends and be like "hey man, lets go get some coffee" because i have lost all connection with the world. The only person that will stand by my side is Jane, my girlfriend.

I don't want to feel dependent on her for that might scare her away. But i dont want to push her away like i did to all my other friends by not talking to them. I like her A LOT. But how much can one person spend time with the one other person with out getting sick of them?

I hardly talk to my family and have a friend count of zero. A room filled with people you don't know is loads more emptier than being inside a sealed closet.
School is the same, i should put a little more focus into it seeing that the are all easy A classes. Work is not getting any better. After being there 1 year and 2 months they still treat me like a new bee. I been there longer than at least 65% of the people there. Its all has to do with my stupid age. Age is only a number huh? Forget that. I can't wait till i get out of there and rub it in the managers face letting them know that I am moving on to better things while they have to spend the rest of there lives in a dead end job like that.

If i'm not at school or don't have to work or stuck at home, I'm at some coffee house. Draw, reading, writing. I'm doing a lot of studying to get better and maybe eventually start painting. My grammar/spelling hasn't really gotten any better so maybe some more harder books and talking to uko would fix that. I also have a dusty guitar at home with a beginners book I have been itching to practice. Maybe I'll pick up the violin again. Oh! Plus i am striving to be a some what mediocre photographer. A D40 is sitting on my desk, loaned from the school, and i believe that the photos are getting better? Most of my subjects are jane tho :p. I have also picked up on some of my old hobbies and have been hitting the gym hard

So at least i have that going for me. Not like I am doing anything else. I feel as if I'm a dyeing race. I haven't found anyone, other than Jane, that share my common intreats. I have hard time connecting with some one who is not an artiest of some kind. I would rather much spend my time sit in silence than talk to some one about the latest gossip at our school, or be fuel for that drama.

I'll get of my soap box and go to bed, not like any one will ever read this any how. I just needed to get this of my chest. I have no friends, family can only help me so much, all i have is my self. Boy, do i hope i find some good friends soon :/

White Washed Walls

In my photo class we learned how to compose a 90 degree plus angle composition shot. I decided to do a 180 degree shot of my room with replications of myself. This is what i came out

Yes, it's a little out there but that how i was feeling at the time. I had to much coffee that afternoon, i JUST finished cleaning my room and had to turn in my little shitty d40 back to my teacher the fallowing day. Each person in the photo represents a different me, no, i am not schizophrenic, just not-in-the-right-mind at the moment. What does each person represent? You will never know:p